Ok, here's the deal, boys and girls are different. I know, this isn't news to anyone, but I am in the middle of this discovery and it is mind-bottling!
Kim and I were watching an episode of Duck Dynasty last night. For those of you that haven't seen the show, it is about a family that has made quite a living off of making duck calls. I recommend the show as it is very entertaining.
Anywho, this episode pertained to the 14 year old daughter of Willie, the CEO of the duck call company. Seems she is going to her first dance, with her BOYFRIEND, that she has apparently had for 2 or 3 months without her Daddy's knowledge. The episode goes on with the Father and Uncle taking the new boyfriend out into the woods snake hunting, while Grandad and the Great Uncle taking the 14 year old out to "talk". Both outings are centered on educating the youngsters on respect for each other, and doing the right things. Uncle Jase says to Willie at one point to tell Beau (the boyfriend) that "Hands to hands, lips to lips, anything else waits until marriage." Beau is very nervous, as any 14 year old boy should be when in the woods with the Father of the girl he is dating, snakes, and loaded weapons. While the girl is turning the questioning back on her Grandfather. He asked her how long she made Beau wait to kiss her, she responded by asking him how long Miss Kay made him wait to kiss her. The answer was not long in both cases.
As we watched, Kim made some keen observations. One was how she wished boys could somehow be Fathers first, then boys. This would let them see how precious little girls are, and they would treat them accordingly. Then she commented on how the women in the family were very supportive of the whole relationship. I countered that this was because women have a very selective memory. Women have the uncanny ability to remember innate details about many things throughout a relationship, and they use this information to hold their men over a barrel. At the same time they seem to forget other things or events. For instance, we were watching the show and the women were all like "It's so sweet," blah, blah, bleech. Not once thinking about all the nights in the balconies at the movies when the guys were trying to feel around for more than popcorn, wink wink, nudge nudge. My other example was childbirth, how many times have you heard of women in the midst of a 10 hour labor, saying things like "You are never allowed to touch me EVER again", or "You did this to me you *&$#@!" And a year later they are pregnant again and full of joy with that healthy glow....
I raised 2 boys, very different from being part of a 13 year old girls up-bringing. I am lost. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, I don't know if I should interject into conversations or not. I DO know that a lot of what I say or do is not seen or heard, either on purpose or not, and I also know that I am hyper-sensitive to the actions and reactions of this ominous teenage force.
Another thing we noticed was how it truly takes a village to raise and shape a child. What we struggle with is having our Daughter around people and situations that shape her in a positive manner. Because believe me, there are plenty of negative influences around. The issue is she doesn't see it that way, and that is tough.
Taylor Swift sings a song called "Fifteen", where she says "when your fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them." As a parent you battle with them trying to make them understand that because they don't have the life experiences they need to be careful. They may feel like this is IT, and in their minds it is. But pitfalls lie around every corner. Boys are Prince Charming one day, and jerks the next. It is the same now as it always has been, but when you are on the parent side, it is brutal and painful in a way I can't explain. You want to tell her I told you so, and you want to go find the boy and rip his heart out through his throat and look in his eye as you explain to him that is what he just did you your precious baby. But you can't do either because who knows, the jerk might just be Prince Charming again tomorrow...
